now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
