I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
