I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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