Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
