my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize