Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
