her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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