Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
