he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
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Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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