So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
