A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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