i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
