After last night, I could never be a politician.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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