Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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