You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
