I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize