i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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