i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
