In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
