so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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