i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
