I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
