Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
