Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
