dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
