Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
