i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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