The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Welp...herpes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
