If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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