If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I party with great urgency now.
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