she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
