she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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