I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Can Purell be used as lube?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Randomize
