Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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