Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
