If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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