Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
