wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
