Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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