I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
