There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
