I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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