I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
