I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
