One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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