God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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