Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
