Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
