i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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