Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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