LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
