He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
