I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
