Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
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