We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize