sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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