found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
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Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
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Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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