The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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