I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
last night I used snow as a chaser
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
