I wannas sexs uuuuu
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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