I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
