like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
