Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
