the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
