I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
