I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish you could order shots online.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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