I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
