my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
