Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
