I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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