I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
