My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so let's talk penis.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
