once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
