It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So. Much. Porn.
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