I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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