sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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