i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's the barista slut.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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