She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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