just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
